Tug a war for one?

**This was written back in November time frame but again was never posted because it was never finished? Am I striving for a perfect post on a blog I created just for me? Does the fact that its public make me think there is certain criteria that should be met before its okay to publish? Well I say enough of this behavior: it's time to just be me. Its time to post these drafts. I'm enjoying reading my thoughts and don't believe I need an entire purpose for a post. Maybe one day someone will stumble across this and something will click for them? Maybe no one ever will. Either way, I am my source of fulfillment.

When we bare it all we don't have much to lose?

Do you ever feel like your thoughts are playing tug a war? That your whole life is one giant rope with a line in the middle and your divided on two sides? And surrounding the rope is emotions, feelings, goals, dreams, expectations, moral compass, ideals, commentary both good & bad, and all of it plays a part in pulling little by little on the rope inching it to one side and then the other but never fully giving up? Sure, there are times when the everyone is tired or distracted and the game is paused or there's other times where I'll find the perfect relaxation which automatically puts my thoughts on time out but those times are at night and usually aided by something green. But then the game starts again and it seems to get more and more intense.

Did I mention this game ties closely to two beings you identify closely with.. The first, is the side that most would consider the brain, to be in control, maybe even safe to say the side where less newborn emotions squirm there way in. The side that has driven you to success and accomplishment in meeting all the expectations you know have been built up around you and are part of the over populated trail that is meant to be walked. The side that your success defines what will be your future and the unknown is less of a visitor. The side that is supported by everyone around you because its what they have done too and navigation is simple because the expected outcome is a neon sign flashing in the far distance so you never fully get lost. The side that happiness is innate but reaching ecstasy is aided with thrills you go out of your way to achieve for a temporary reminder of what ultimate pleasure should be.

But the other side of the rope you've got your heart in control and the maximizing of ones personal pleasure seems to be the driving force. This is the side where your ambitions and passions tug on the rope. The person you feel in your heart you want to be all while tip toeing carefully around the game of life.

The person you know your meant to be without the influence of everything around you that makes you question your risk.. The person that has always been there trying to escape and show themselves every so often. So tightly linked to the goals you set and driver of your wild adventures. The side you know in your heart that will be fun but also the side where you're vulnerable and heartbreak is possible. The side that can crush you.

One day someone walks in and makes you want to drop everything and change your life for them... The person that makes you feel like true love exists and makes your heart bounce by your there name appearing..

Every temptation of the person you have wanted to be is there in front of you. Do you take it? Do you jump? How do you let go everyone on the other side gripping tighter, making tugs when you least expect it..Pulling it closer to one side...